Studies show that teens who drink are much more likely to become an alcoholic than people who wait until they are adults. If you start drinking when you are thirteen, you have a 45 percent chance of becoming an alcoholic. That means almost half of thirteen-year-olds who drink become alcoholics. Everyone likes to think nothing bad can happen to them, but the truth is that bad things can happen to anyone. No one is so special he or she can’t become an alcoholic—even if there is no history of it in your family.

Even if you don’t become an alcoholic, other things are going to happen to you inside your brain and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Here are some of the things that will begin to change in your brain if you start drinking before you are 21:

• You will have more social problems. Even though you might think you are drinking to help you fit in, the truth is that you will have more trouble getting along with people, understanding them, and keeping friendships. The parts of your brain that help you understand social skills will be damaged and you will not be able to think clearly enough to make good choices.
• Your hippocampus might be ten percent smaller than the hippocampus of teens who don’t drink. No, we’re not talking about a zoo animal school. Your hippocampus is the part of the brain that helps you learn and remember. This means you’ll do worse in school (and have to study even longer hours to remember things) and you’ll forget important things, even fun important things.
• The part of the brain that helps you make choices is damaged and while you are drinking, you will also be less able to make good choices. If you get drunk, you may find out the next day you did some things that are really embarrassing and might even ruin your entire life. Stay in charge by not letting alcohol make your choices for you.
• The part of the brain that controls impulsive behavior is damaged. This means you’ll make snap decisions without thinking them through. Do you really want your life decided by instant decisions you haven’t thought about?
• Teens who drink do worse in school, get into more trouble, and are less likely to fulfill their goals. Is it worth it?

You won’t be a teenager forever and your whole life is affected by the choices you are making right now, including choices about alcohol. If you’re drinking, stop. The sooner you stop, the less damage you’ll do to your brain and your life.

A new study shows kids in Utah are less likely to drink than anywhere else. No, you don’t have to move to Utah to stop drinking or to not start, although if you’re in Utah, you might find more friends who also don’t drink. Many of them don’t drink because they are Mormon. In fact, most of the states that have low numbers of teens who drink are in states with a lot of religious teens. Attending a church where people choose not to drink at any age gives you a great support network when you don’t want to drink. If you don’t want to go to church, find friends who don’t drink. There are more of them than you think. It’s really hard to avoid alcohol when your friends use it.

When I was in high school, my friends started drinking. I didn’t really know how to get out of the group and I didn’t like being made fun of for not drinking, so I went to a school counselor for help. She changed my schedule so I didn’t have classes or lunch with them anymore and I quickly found new friends whose standards were more like mine. If you don’t know how to get out of your crowd, don’t be afraid to help. Your parents, teachers, or counselors will be more than happy to help you figure it out.

Learn more about what happens to the teen brain when you drink.

Of course, salvation isn’t a little thing at all, but it is the most important thing Mormonism offers. That wasn’t really of much interest to the father, though. He wanted to know what good it would do his son while he was still alive. Even from a temporal (your life on earth) standpoint, Mormon teens get a lot for being Mormon. You don’t get handed a door prize when you convert, but you will find yourself part of a religion that offers you a lot of rewards. Brad Wilcox outlined some of these to teenagers at Education Week, a religious conference, recently. Let’s look at some of the things he told Mormon teens they got just for being Mormon:

1. Mormons live ten to eleven years longer than the average person. There could be a lot of reasons for this. Mormons live by a health code and don’t drink, smoke, or use drugs. They avoid a lot of risky behavior that leads to health problems. He joked that it might just be that the church keeps us pretty busy and we don’t have time to die.
2. Mormons are more likely to finish college than most people. They are thirty percent more likely to graduate, in fact. And they get educated in other ways, too. Mormons have more books and more musical instruments than most people and they are more likely to take music lessons. Mormons believe they get to take what they learn into Heaven with them, so it’s a good investment in our time—we can’t take the material things we get. Also, Mormons believe they should be able to take care of themselves, and being educated makes that easier to do.
3. Mormons have a lot of friends, even when they are brand new. We move a lot in my family, and my kids always walked in to an instant group of new friends, even if we moved mid-summer or while we were homeschooling. It made moving so much easier.
4. Your marriage has a better chance of surviving. Did you know that one in every two marriages in the United States ends in a divorce? If both people are the same religion, the odds improve. One in every four of those marriages end in divorce. But when Mormons marry and choose not to get married in the temple, only one in every six of those marriages will end in divorce. Not perfect, but a lot better than half. But it gets even better. Mormons are supposed to marry in the Mormon temple. Mormons believe marriage and family should last forever, even after death, so they tend to work really hard at their marriages and at being good parents. Those marriages are done in the temple and demonstrate that the couple is really living their religion to a high level and are committed to being married forever. Guess how many of those marriages end in divorce? One in twenty. You have so much better a chance of staying married if you choose a Mormon temple.

Brad Wilcox told the teens they aren’t missing out on anything by being Mormon. The things they choose not to do because of their beliefs are things that harm and devalue them in the long run. Instead they are gaining. Their moral choices allow them to have better and more faithful marriages, good health, a great brain and a rewarding life. He said, ““Yeah, it’s hard being a Mormon, but it’s a lot easier than being without it.”

For the complete article on this talk, see What Do You Get For Being a Mormon?”

Well, it probably does. As a teenager, you’ve already decided how you feel about yourself and your body, but you are also making new decisions on these subjects and you have more control over what you wear. These attitudes you’re developing started shaping when you were younger and they’re affecting how you live your life and how you look at yourself right now. It also affects how other people see you.

One group of researchers showed adults pictures of  girls. The people who looked at these pictures assumed the girls who were dressed immodestly were less intelligent and less competent. Now, that might not seem fair to you and your answer might be that people shouldn’t judge you that way. You’re probably right, but that isn’t really the point. The point is that you don’t get to choose how other people see you. They’re going to see whatever they decide to see and you’re going to pay the price for it.

Whether you like it or not, there are times it will matter to you how other people see you. You don’t want your teachers to see you as less intelligent, for instance. If your grade is on the border between two grades, the teacher will decide whether to give you the higher or lower grade and you want to be seen as intelligent and competent. Their opinion of you might impact how they grade a paper. If you have a job, you want your boss to see you that as a competent person as well. For that matter, you would probably want everyone to know you’re smart and good at things.

Girls who wear immodest clothing are also at a higher risk for eating disorders and poor body image. They train themselves to think their job in life is to be physically appealing to men, and not in an appropriate way. It’s important for girls to understand their personalities, their character, and their intelligence are what are important about them. These are the parts of themselves they need to spend the most time developing. While it’s important to be neat and to take care of the body you were given, it is not really who you are. You don’t want people thinking your body is all there is to you.

When one of my daughters was a preteen, she had an eighteen-year-old teacher at church just for the summer. The teacher would be going off to college in the fall, but in the meantime, she had a big impact on those kids she taught. She was pretty and really smart. She had been a cheerleader and homecoming queen. She told the class she had never found it necessary to dress immodestly to be popular. She wanted people to like her for who she was inside. She wore fashionable clothes and had pretty hairstyles and nice makeup, but her hair, clothes, and makeup were modest and not attention-grabbing. She had a huge amount of self-esteem because she knew people liked her for all the right reasons. She put her energy into being a moral, kind, and friendly person, not a sexy one and people loved her. She was very popular with her own peers, but also with teachers, other adults, and children.

Grace, who is 13, says dressing modestly makes her feel comfortable. She doesn’t have to worry that she is showing parts of her that shouldn’t be showing. Like a lot of teens today, she echoes the popular phrase, “Modest is hottest!”

Lila (17) says she dresses modestly because it’s uncomfortable to be immodest. “It makes me feel like people respect me.”

How would it affect your life if you know people liked you just for who you were? Would the friends you have today and the boys you date still feel the same way about you if you wore modest clothes, or suddenly became poor and couldn’t afford the latest fashions? Would they still care about you if your standards were really high and you didn’t want to do some of the things they did because of it? What if you had an accident and it affected how you look? Would your friends stick around?

Mormon teens are taught to be modest in their clothing. That includes not wearing clothing that has sexy sayings or that is too tight or emphasizes the wrong things. It isn’t only about covering up. One speaker told teens if you’re dressed properly, people will notice your face first (assuming it isn’t because you’re wearing too much makeup or something.)

Being dressed modestly tells the world you feel confident about yourself and that you don’t need to show off your body to get attention. You’re worthy of attention just because of the amazing person you are.

Of course, modesty isn’t just for girls. The article I’m writing about was about girls, so that is where I’m focused today, but the same principle applies to boys. Everyone benefits from being dressed modestly.

Take a look at this quote from Silvia H. Allred. Notice what she says about the example God set for us:

The doctrine behind modesty begins with our knowledge that we are children of God, created in His image (see Moses 2:27). Our bodies are sacred gifts from Heavenly Father and have specific purposes that He has planned. As grateful recipients, we acknowledge this gift by treating our bodies as He has asked us to (see D&C 88:33). We learn to train, control, and bridle our bodies and their physical uses to become like Heavenly Father.

From the beginning, the Lord has asked His children to cover their bodies. After Adam and Eve partook of the forbidden fruit, their eyes were opened and they became aware that they were naked. Adam and Eve tried to cover themselves with simple aprons made of fig leaves. But the aprons were not enough, so the Lord made them more modest coats of skins. (See Genesis 3:7, 21.)

God had a higher standard then, just as He does now. His standards are not those of the world.” (See Silvia H. Allred, “Modesty: A Timeless Principle for All,” Ensign, Jul 2009, 28–32.)

Modesty isn’t about people trying to control you or about being ashamed of your body. It actually shows more pride in your body because when you know your body was created by Heavenly Father in His image, and you are proud of who you are, you don’t want to treat it in a disrespectful way. You don’t have any desire to invite other people to view your body in a disrespectful way, either. You are content to use it for the exact purposes for which God created it. You honor and respect yourself and you work to enhance your personality, your character, your spirit, and your talents because you know you are a child of God.

Mormon leaders have talked about this a lot. Mormon is an informal nickname some people use when they’re talking about members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Most Mormons actually call themselves LDS (Latter-day Saints), not Mormons, although the Church has accepted that Mormon is more popular among people who aren’t Mormon. It refers to the Book of Mormon, which Mormons use along with the Bible.

One Mormon leader, Russell M. Nelson, explains that there is a difference between tolerance and tolerating. Knowing that difference can help us figure out how to live in a very diverse world. He suggests we look at Jesus’ life to help us understand how we should react to people who live lives we know are immoral.

When I read the New Testament, one of the things I notice is that Jesus didn’t just hang out with other Christians. He had a lot of friends and he spent a lot of time with people who didn’t live the commandments or who were considered inferior by others. I notice that he treated these people with respect.

For instance, most people in his time wanted nothing to do with Samarians. But Jesus intentionally traveled through Samaria and stopped to share the gospel with a Samarian woman at a well. He treated her with dignity and she responded by becoming a missionary for the gospel.

We can strengthen others by standing for truth and rigteousness.

You might remember the story about the woman everyone wanted to stone because she had sinned. They brought her to Jesus, hoping, no doubt, He would be shocked and horrified by her sin and maybe even help with—or at least approve—the stoning. What did He do instead? He suggested that the person in the group who had never sinned throw the first stone. Of course, He was the only person who fit that description, but He had no desire to stone her. Once the others, embarrassed, had left, Jesus spoke to her kindly, telling her He was not going to pass final judgment on her.

Even though He sent her on her way, it is really important to notice what else He did. He told her not to sin anymore. He didn’t say, “It’s her life. I need to be tolerant of how she chooses to live it.” What she had done was a sin and He made sure she understood that. However, He wasn’t willing to kill her over it or decide how she would be judged at the end of her life. By telling he she had sinned, but sending her away with a commandment to stop, He gave her a chance to repent, to change her life before she died and faced final judgment.

Jesus never did just accept sin because it was the politically correct thing to do. When He saw sin, He put a stop to it. He cleared the temple. He spoke up even to political leaders and powerful community people. He did not tolerate sin. But He was tolerant, in that He treated people who sinned with dignity. He could love them as people without accepting their sins. He didn’t say “You have a right to live any way you want, even if it hurts you and even if it hurts others.”

There is a difference between the sin and the sinner. You’ve probably heard people say we must condemn the sin, but love the sinner. This is what Jesus did.

Some sins hurt other people and some only hurt the sinner directly (although all of society suffers when sin is in the world) but we know we can’t just let people do whatever they want to do because it’s “their life.” The reason we have laws is because we understand our country works better when we set standards and make people live by them. The reason parents have rules is because it is their job to set standards and to protect their children.

When you were little, your parents didn’t let you cross the street alone because they knew it would put you into physical danger. Today, they might have rules about coming home at a certain time or even about what kinds of friends you can have. They aren’t trying to ruin your fun. They are trying to keep you safe. Sometimes they are keeping you physically safe, but other times, they are keeping you morally safe. God is that kind of parent.

The thing is that this life is only a small part of your entire life. The longest parts of your life happened before you were born, when you lived with God and started becoming who you are now, and the time after you die. After you die, you’ll live forever, and how you live depends a lot on the choices you make today. Jesus taught over and over that there will be a judgment day when the sins we don’t’ repent of will be punished. He said that only people who kept His commandments would get to be with God after death. Your parents are trying their best to help you live in a way that will allow you to live with God someday. That means they sometimes make rules that are protecting your eternal life.

So how do you apply all this when you’re out in the world surrounded by people who are living lives you know are wrong? Let’s look at a few examples and wonder how Jesus would handle it.

One thing Mormons do is to make it clear that temptations and behavior aren’t the same thing. We can’t choose what we are tempted by or inclined towards. We can choose how we act. An alcoholic who is still drinking is committing a sin. If he stops drinking, but still craves alcohol, he is not sinning—as long as he doesn’t take a drink. He can control the actions, not the cravings. Homosexual tendencies are not a sin; homosexual behavior is. We can be kind and respectful when we are with people who are homosexuals because they are God’s children and therefore deserving of respect. We don’t have to respect their sins, however, nor do we have to encourage them. Jesus didn’t and so we shouldn’t. We may have friends who smoke and we will love them and treat them kindly, but we don’t have to let them smoke around us. We can love our friends who drink, but we don’t have to—and must not—serve alcohol at our parties just to “prove” we are tolerant.

If you had friends who were doing things you knew was very dangerous—dating an abusive boyfriend, for instance, or drinking, or going into dangerous neighborhoods–you would try your best to stop them. Spiritual danger is more serious than physical danger. You can show love to a person and treat him or her with respect while not respecting those dangerous choices.

At school and in your daily activities, you will meet a lot of people who live in ways you know are wrong. You don’t have to stay at a party where teens are drinking just to show you are tolerant. You don’t even have to tell them they are welcome to live that way. You do have to treat them kindly, help them when they are in trouble, and be respectful of them as people—but you don’t have to respect their sins.

Next time, we’re going to talk about tolerance in terms of religion—how do we live in a religiously diverse world?

The boys meet in quorums, or groups, on Sundays and usually one weekday as well, based on the level of priesthood they hold. Each quorum has a president, two counselors (similar to vice-presidents) and a secretary. All these positions are held by the boys themselves. Adult leaders are assigned to teach and supervise the groups, but the boys lead themselves under the supervision of the adults.

Spencer understood that being the president meant he was to watch over all the other boys in his quorum and to make sure they were taken care of. While it might be easy and fun to look after your closest friends, a deacon quorum president is expected to become friends with all the boys in order to know what they most need.

In Spencer’s quorum was a boy named Dayton. Dayton has cerebral palsy. He can’t walk and can’t communicate except to blink for yes and not blink for no. A lot of teenagers would find it too hard to become friends with someone who could not communicate, but not Spencer. The two boys became good friends.

One day Spencer, who enjoys doing triathlons, had an idea. He always thought Dayton should get to do all the things other kids his age got to do, and so, he decided Dayton needed to race in a triathlon. He asked Dayton if he’d like to do that and Dayton blinked to show he would.

How do you do a triathlon when you can’t walk or even sit up alone? Well, you need a friend to help out. Spencer had some help in getting the supplies he needed to be the person who helped. First, they created a special bicycle with a cart attached. Spencer would ride the bike and Dayton would be right behind in the cart. That would take care of the bicycle portion of the triathlon. There was also a swimming portion so Spencer had to swim pulling an inflatable boat holding Dayton. When he did the running portion, he pushed Dayton’s wheelchair.

As you can imagine, this was very hard work. Triathlons are difficult when you race them alone, but to push and pull another person as you go makes it exceptionally hard. Spencer noticed he had to work so much harder and near the end, he felt he had nothing left with which to finish the race. But from somewhere deep inside himself, he found the energy and finished the race.

He didn’t win, of course, with the extra challenge of another person. He came in 82^nd, although he did finish first in the relay. Or, we should say, they finished 82^nd and 1^st.  Spencer considered this Dayton’s race and was puzzled to be called a hero. To him, Dayton was the hero.

Jesus taught us to take of those in need, to be loving friends to everyone, to serve. He served and had a special fondness for people with disabilities. The Bible tells us of a blind man who often sat on the side of the road, begging. When he heard Jesus was coming, he was determined to meet him and to ask for a gift of healing. He tried calling out to Jesus but other people told him to stop and to not bother Jesus. In their minds, the blind man wasn’t important enough to bother someone as special as Jesus.

However, Jesus heard the calls and asked for the man to be brought to him. The blind man was suddenly nervous, but the apostles encouraged him to go ahead and approach Jesus. He did and Jesus lovingly and respectfully asked how he could help the man. The man asked for his sight and Jesus praised him for his great faith. He told the man it was his faith that had healed him. Imagine the lesson learned when people realized this man, whom they all thought was unimportant, had faith so great as to bring about a miracle.

And imagine the lessons people learned when they watched Spencer give up any real chance of winning the triathlon and as they watched him struggle to help his friend be able to experience the thrill of a triathlon. Not only did Spencer help Dayton, the story of his great and Christlike gift is helping teenagers and even adults learn how to be more like Jesus.

Watch the video of Dayton’s legs.

Mormon teens celebrate the birth of

Yes, Mormons celebrate Christmas. Mormon beliefs include accepting Jesus Christ as their Savior and so they celebrate His birth. They do a lot of spiritual things to celebrate, but most Mormon families also do the fun stuff associated with the more secular celebration. They’re just asked not to let that part become more important than the spiritual parts.

This means if you’re having a Christmas party, you can invite your Mormon friend. Mormons do go to parties—in fact, most of them are pretty big fans of parties, but they do have a few rules about the kinds of parties they will go to, especially if they’re teenagers. Here are the rules so you’ll know how to prepare:

Refreshments:

Mormon teens don’t drink alcohol, use drugs, or smoke. They don’t go to teen parties where people are doing those things, either, especially since it’s illegal, but also because they aren’t comfortable in that environment. If that’s the kind of party you have, don’t invite your Mormon friend because you’ll put her in an awkward position—but you might ask her to show you how to plan a different type of party one day so you can decide if her kind is more fun. You might be surprised.

Mormon teens don’t drink coffee or regular tea. (Herbal teas are okay, as long as there is no real tea in it.) They do drink sodas. Some Mormons choose not to drink sodas with caffeine, so ask your friend if you’re not sure. They can also drink other things, like juice or milk.

Music and Dancing:

Mormon teens are careful about the kinds of music they listen to. They can listen to most of the popular music but they try to avoid music with lyrics that send a bad message or music that stirs up the wrong kinds of feelings.

Your Mormon friend probably has a booklet called For the Strength of Youth. This book explains the moral standards Mormon teenagers try to live up to. You can ask your friend for a copy or read it online.

Read For the Strength of Youth.

This booklet will help you figure out what your friend is comfortable with at a party. The booklet talks about music and says:

“Choose carefully the music you listen to. Pay attention to how you feel when you are listening. Don’t listen to music that drives away the Spirit, encourages immorality, glorifies violence, uses foul or offensive language, or promotes Satanism or other evil practices.”

Give some thought to the music you’ll be playing at your party. There are a lot of great songs that meet those standards. Your Mormon friend doesn’t expect you to only play Christian music, but do listen to the words of the songs you are planning to play to see what they’re really saying. Then choose the ones that won’t offend anyone. There are so many choices you won’t have trouble finding moral music that is fun for everyone else. Your friend will probably have some you can borrow, as well.

Mormons are allowed to dance. In fact, most congregations hold regular free dances for their teens and their teenagers’ friends. Before going to them, you have to meet with a church leader for a few minutes and learn the rules. You’ll have to agree to obey them and you’ll get a little card that says you’ve promised to do that. The card lets you into the dances. If you attend a few, you’ll get a pretty good idea of what kind of party Mormons like. Just like everything else, though, there are standards for the dancing your Mormon friend will do. Here’s what For the Strength of Youth says:

“Dancing can be fun and can provide an opportunity to meet new people. However, it too can be misused. When dancing, avoid full body contact with your partner. Do not use positions or moves that are suggestive of sexual behavior. Plan and attend dances where dress, grooming, lighting, lyrics, and music contribute to a wholesome atmosphere where the Spirit of the Lord may be present.”

The secret, then, is to imagine God or Jesus at your dance as a chaperone. If you think your friend would still be willing to be there with God in the room, it’s probably okay. After all, Mormons believe the Holy Ghost is always with them as long as they are where the Holy Spirit is comfortable being. If the Holy Ghost flees, they do, too.

And speaking of chaperones…your Mormon teen will expect a chaperone to be present. It’s likely her parents will call your parents to make sure your parents will be monitoring the party.

It really makes a party easier when responsible adults are watching. How many times have you found yourself in an awkward situation at a party and wished there was an adult to stop it so you wouldn’t have to? When a parent is around, kids are not likely to drink, be destructive, or try to put you in an uncomfortable moral situation. You will be free to have fun without worrying that someone will get carried away and ruin everything.

Mormon teens have high moral standards, so they aren’t going to want to go to a party where most people are kissing. They prefer to keep things light—dance, eat, talk, play games…it’s safer and really, it’s more fun. You get to know a lot more people when you don’t pair off in a dark corner all night. The best way to keep that from happening is to have a plan for the evening. Keep things moving along and when people start wandering off on their own, get them back into the mix by announcing a new game or activity.

If you’ve never had the kind of party we’re talking about here, gather up a few Mormon friends, or other kids with high standards, and ask them to teach you how to do it. The planning is more fun in a group and the party will be more fun, too. Your friends can help you co-host it and watch for problems.

Now for the other parts of Christmas:

It’s perfectly okay to give your Mormon friend a Christmas gift, but don’t spend a lot of money on it. A lot of Mormon teens like simple gifts or even gift certificates—not to a store, but for time with you or a service from you. Be creative. Offer to do a little sewing if she can’t sew and you can. Give a book of coupons for help with algebra or a special outing in which you let her choose the activity,

You could even give her a gift certificate that says you will go to church with her three times. She’d rather have that than anything else, and it won’t cost you a dime. (Mormons don’t pass a collection plate, even.) You wouldn’t have to join or commit to anything but a chance to learn more about her beliefs and an important part of her life you might not know too much about.

So, Christmas is coming and your Mormon friend is celebrating with a  mixture of hymns, uplifting stories, scripture reading…and parties and gifts. Enjoy the season with her.

Lindsey plans parties everyone wants to go to. She has great ideas for activities that keep everyone busy and entertained while helping them live up to high moral standards.

Kevin is the person everyone turns to when there is a problem to be solved. He always seems to be able to come up with an idea for fixing what is wrong, and sometimes his ideas are unusual, which just makes them more fun to carry out.

Emily loves to cook but she hardly ever makes a recipe the way it’s written. She likes to make changes to them so the end result is something unique to her.

Brian’s little brother has dyslexia and has a really hard time learning to read. Everyone in the family helps him, but they all agree Brian is the best. He comes up with new techniques for solving the reading problems and also thinks of ways to make the tutoring sessions more interesting. He’s doing a great job of helping his brother actually want to learn to read.

Would you have thought of these kinds of things as being creative? Most people are creative in some little way every single day, but don’t realize it because they think of creativity in terms of certain talents. A Mormon apostle, Dieter F. Uchtdorf, said that if we think we aren’t creative we need to remember our heritage. We are God’s children and He is the most creative being in the universe. He created the entire world and everyone and everything in it. Since we are His children, we have inherited a gift for creativity from Him.

“You may think you don’t have talents, but that is a false assumption, for we all have talents and gifts, every one of us.5 The bounds of creativity extend far beyond the limits of a canvas or a sheet of paper and do not require a brush, a pen, or the keys of a piano. Creation means bringing into existence something that did not exist before—colorful gardens, harmonious homes, family memories, flowing laughter.”

So all you have to do to be creative is to bring something into existence that wasn’t there before. What could you bring into your family’s life that wasn’t there before? What could you bring into your friend’s life that wasn’t there before?

Here’s an example of a little thing you could do. When you go to school this week, look around for someone who isn’t popular, maybe someone who eats lunch alone. Eat lunch with her—get your friends in on the project so they welcome this person. Convince them to be really nice to her and challenge each of them to learn three great things about this person. Everyone is interesting and admirable in some way, but it takes unselfishness and patience to find out what it is sometimes. That will be the job you and your friends set out to do. If it turns out this person is a good person with good character or real potential, start inviting her to join you every day at lunch and include her in your activities. Spread the word about the good stuff you’ve learned about her. It’s possible, when other people find out what is good, she will start finding other friends as well and that she will gain new confidence.

Does that sound more like a service project than a creative act? What will you be bringing into existence that wasn’t there before? You’ll be bringing friendship into the life of someone who doesn’t have it and self-esteem. Those are wonderful things to bring into someone’s life and it is a very creative way to live.

I remember when I was in high school a group of girls I knew entered our town’s beauty pageant. For some reason a mentally handicapped girl decided to enter. She wasn’t very pretty and her clothes and hair weren’t very nice. The other girls were talking about it and one worried that people might laugh at her when she walked on stage. She thought they should help the girl look better but they didn’t want to hurt her feelings by suggesting they thought she wasn’t pretty enough. Together, they concentrated on being creative and soon came up with the idea of having all the girls get together for a makeover party. They all helped make each other over and this way, the girl they were helping was just getting what all the other girls were getting. They practiced together, shared clothes and shopped together for what they needed.

Here’s an interesting side effect of this creative act, though. The girls did all this to help one girl, but in the end they wound up helping all the girls in the competition. As they worked together, they became friends and when the competition began, they were justifiably proud of every single girl because each person in the contest had helped every other girl be her very best for the competition. No matter who won, they would all have had a part in the winner’s success.

I don’t remember who did win, but I do remember they were asked to vote for the girl who had done the most to promote friendship among the contestants. They all chose the girl they first set out to help because she was the reason they had all become friends. That girl didn’t win the pageant, but she walked away with an award that was more important than one saying she was the prettiest girl—hers said she was the best friend.

The girls who entered the contest thought they were there to prove how beautiful they were but in the end, what they really proved was how nice they were—and how creative.

So, what creative thing are you going to do this week?

Watch the video of President Uchtdorf’s talk to learn more about being creative in small ways.

Make your standards clear so those who follow you don’t get lost.

In this month’s New Era magazine (a monthly magazine for Mormon teens and other teens who want inspiration) there are several stories about teens who had to have courage in an everyday sort of situation. A lot of times we think of courage as involving physical danger, such as running into a burning building to save someone. Most of the time, though, the courage we are asked to show comes from ordinary, everyday experiences.

Deborah Moore wrote about the experience of losing a best friend. When she was in eighth grade, her best friend decided to start getting drunk and doing other things Deborah knew were wrong. Deborah didn’t know what to do but she was worried for her friend’s safety so she finally got the courage to ask her friend not to drink. Her friend chose not to follow her advice or to continue the friendship.

That took a huge amount of courage for Deborah. She knew she might lose a friend by doing this, but she had to try to help her friend if it was at all possible, so she took the risk. A lot of times when we read stories like this one in religious settings, the story ends with the friend deciding to change her life, grateful someone cared about her. That didn’t happen this time, but it doesn’t change the importance of the story.

It’s really an act of love to try to save someone you know is doing something dangerous. You’d want to jump into a swimming pool to save a drowning friend and a friend who wants to start getting drunk often is in more danger than just physical death—she faces terrible danger to her spiritual life, which is more important in the eternal scheme of things.

Every person has agency—the God-given right to make choices—but they face the consequences of those choices. When we care about someone, we can offer them support for making a different kind of choice, which is what Deborah offered. Even though the friend didn’t appreciate the help or accept it, Deborah had done the right thing. She eventually made new friends who supported her wiser choices and helped her to live the way she knew she should live.

Read the original story about this Mormon Teen.

Another story had a happier ending. Shannon moved to her dad’s house part way through her junior year of high school. She was shy and had a hard time making friends. She was in choir and hoped she’d find friends there, but it was still pretty hard. However, one girl caught her attention, a girl who was outgoing and popular. This girl had one bad habit though—she took Jesus’ name in vain. That means she used his name as a swear word. This really bothered Shannon, but she was too shy to say anything.

One day, though, Shannon decided she was denying Jesus Christ every time she let the swearing go by without saying anything. She surprised herself by asking the girl not to say His name that way because He was her Savior. The class was startled and became silent but several students agreed with Shannon. The girl who had said the words apologized, admitting she hadn’t really thought about what she was saying and that Jesus was her Savior, too.

So sometimes having everyday courage works out the way you hope it will and sometimes it doesn’t. Having courage, though, means you don’t stop to wonder if you’ll come out ahead. It means doing the right thing for the right reason even if it’s possible the story might have some sad parts to it. In the eternal scheme of things, though, both girls had happy endings because they knew they were doing what Jesus wanted them to do, and that matters more than any temporary setbacks.

Read the original story in the New Era about this Mormon Teen.

What have you done to show everyday courage?

One day, Madison’s cousin was reading an article about some girls who helped a disabled teenager earn her medallion. She began thinking about Madison and wondered if there was a way she and the other girls in her congregation could help Madison earn her medallion. However, Madison couldn’t do most of the requirements, even with help. The girls decided they would earn her medallion in proxy. Each girl would choose one requirement to fulfill for Madison.

They talked to their leaders, who then talked to their own leaders to get permission. It was decided the girls could do this as long as they completed their own requirement for their medallion first and then did another one—or the same one twice where choices weren’t offered—for Madison. They couldn’t do it once and count it twice.

Some girls chose very long sections. One girl cooked dinner for her family for two weeks. Another read the entire Book of Mormon. Each girl did these things to help a girl in their youth group receive an award that is highly cherished by Mormon teens because it is hard to earn. They are publicly recognized for their accomplishments, and now, when the recognitions were given, Madison wouldn’t be left out.

One girl explained that the Savior had done something for all of us we couldn’t do for ourselves—He died for our sins—and so they were now doing something for someone else she couldn’t do for herself.

Watch the video and listen as the girls themselves tell you about their experience. Warning—it’s a tear jerker!