This is the first-of-its-kind event, and Voices for Virtue hoped to draw a large teenage audience. Voices for Virtue is a non-profit organization which is not affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It uses social networking to reach out to teenagers and young adults to help them learn more about and support them in living virtuous lives.

This was a wonderful opportunity for teens, as well as adults, to ask any personal questions they had about gospel principles and standards.

The session will not be broadcast, and no rights were issued to record it. However, if you would like to know more about Elaine Dalton or Voices for Virtue, please refer to the links below:

Talks and Speeches Given by Elaine Dalton

Interview with Elaine Dalton

Voices for Virtue

Teens in Hawaii had a chance to put on one of these celebrations recently. Watch this video to see them rehearsing, performing, and talking about their religious beliefs.

Mormon leaders have talked about this a lot. Mormon is an informal nickname some people use when they’re talking about members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Most Mormons actually call themselves LDS (Latter-day Saints), not Mormons, although the Church has accepted that Mormon is more popular among people who aren’t Mormon. It refers to the Book of Mormon, which Mormons use along with the Bible.

One Mormon leader, Russell M. Nelson, explains that there is a difference between tolerance and tolerating. Knowing that difference can help us figure out how to live in a very diverse world. He suggests we look at Jesus’ life to help us understand how we should react to people who live lives we know are immoral.

When I read the New Testament, one of the things I notice is that Jesus didn’t just hang out with other Christians. He had a lot of friends and he spent a lot of time with people who didn’t live the commandments or who were considered inferior by others. I notice that he treated these people with respect.

For instance, most people in his time wanted nothing to do with Samarians. But Jesus intentionally traveled through Samaria and stopped to share the gospel with a Samarian woman at a well. He treated her with dignity and she responded by becoming a missionary for the gospel.

We can strengthen others by standing for truth and rigteousness.

You might remember the story about the woman everyone wanted to stone because she had sinned. They brought her to Jesus, hoping, no doubt, He would be shocked and horrified by her sin and maybe even help with—or at least approve—the stoning. What did He do instead? He suggested that the person in the group who had never sinned throw the first stone. Of course, He was the only person who fit that description, but He had no desire to stone her. Once the others, embarrassed, had left, Jesus spoke to her kindly, telling her He was not going to pass final judgment on her.

Even though He sent her on her way, it is really important to notice what else He did. He told her not to sin anymore. He didn’t say, “It’s her life. I need to be tolerant of how she chooses to live it.” What she had done was a sin and He made sure she understood that. However, He wasn’t willing to kill her over it or decide how she would be judged at the end of her life. By telling he she had sinned, but sending her away with a commandment to stop, He gave her a chance to repent, to change her life before she died and faced final judgment.

Jesus never did just accept sin because it was the politically correct thing to do. When He saw sin, He put a stop to it. He cleared the temple. He spoke up even to political leaders and powerful community people. He did not tolerate sin. But He was tolerant, in that He treated people who sinned with dignity. He could love them as people without accepting their sins. He didn’t say “You have a right to live any way you want, even if it hurts you and even if it hurts others.”

There is a difference between the sin and the sinner. You’ve probably heard people say we must condemn the sin, but love the sinner. This is what Jesus did.

Some sins hurt other people and some only hurt the sinner directly (although all of society suffers when sin is in the world) but we know we can’t just let people do whatever they want to do because it’s “their life.” The reason we have laws is because we understand our country works better when we set standards and make people live by them. The reason parents have rules is because it is their job to set standards and to protect their children.

When you were little, your parents didn’t let you cross the street alone because they knew it would put you into physical danger. Today, they might have rules about coming home at a certain time or even about what kinds of friends you can have. They aren’t trying to ruin your fun. They are trying to keep you safe. Sometimes they are keeping you physically safe, but other times, they are keeping you morally safe. God is that kind of parent.

The thing is that this life is only a small part of your entire life. The longest parts of your life happened before you were born, when you lived with God and started becoming who you are now, and the time after you die. After you die, you’ll live forever, and how you live depends a lot on the choices you make today. Jesus taught over and over that there will be a judgment day when the sins we don’t’ repent of will be punished. He said that only people who kept His commandments would get to be with God after death. Your parents are trying their best to help you live in a way that will allow you to live with God someday. That means they sometimes make rules that are protecting your eternal life.

So how do you apply all this when you’re out in the world surrounded by people who are living lives you know are wrong? Let’s look at a few examples and wonder how Jesus would handle it.

One thing Mormons do is to make it clear that temptations and behavior aren’t the same thing. We can’t choose what we are tempted by or inclined towards. We can choose how we act. An alcoholic who is still drinking is committing a sin. If he stops drinking, but still craves alcohol, he is not sinning—as long as he doesn’t take a drink. He can control the actions, not the cravings. Homosexual tendencies are not a sin; homosexual behavior is. We can be kind and respectful when we are with people who are homosexuals because they are God’s children and therefore deserving of respect. We don’t have to respect their sins, however, nor do we have to encourage them. Jesus didn’t and so we shouldn’t. We may have friends who smoke and we will love them and treat them kindly, but we don’t have to let them smoke around us. We can love our friends who drink, but we don’t have to—and must not—serve alcohol at our parties just to “prove” we are tolerant.

If you had friends who were doing things you knew was very dangerous—dating an abusive boyfriend, for instance, or drinking, or going into dangerous neighborhoods–you would try your best to stop them. Spiritual danger is more serious than physical danger. You can show love to a person and treat him or her with respect while not respecting those dangerous choices.

At school and in your daily activities, you will meet a lot of people who live in ways you know are wrong. You don’t have to stay at a party where teens are drinking just to show you are tolerant. You don’t even have to tell them they are welcome to live that way. You do have to treat them kindly, help them when they are in trouble, and be respectful of them as people—but you don’t have to respect their sins.

Next time, we’re going to talk about tolerance in terms of religion—how do we live in a religiously diverse world?

Many of the teenagers in the area served by the Kiev Ukraine temple are from small countries. Some of them said they were performing because they wanted the world to know their country existed. Coming from little countries like Belarus, Kazakhstan, Belarus, Bulgaria, Georgia, Romania, and Ukraine, they are very proud of their national heritage, but feel the world may not remember them among all the bigger countries. One teen also said they wanted the prophet to know there was a rising generation he could count on to do the Lord’s work.

Because the church has so few members in these areas, many of the youth are aware that they are pioneers in their country, helping to spread what is a new religion to most of the people in their country. They know their examples will help to decide the future of the church there. This performance was one way they showed their commitment to bringing a new faith to their countries. They dressed in traditional costumes and danced the traditional dances of their cultures. Youth provided the orchestra as well. These were just ordinary teens, not professional performers and for many dancing in public might have been a challenging new experience. However, the prophet came to see their performance and when he clapped, they felt all their hard work had been rewarded.

Many of the teenagers said their testimonies were strengthened during the week they spent at the temple dedication and cultural celebration. For some, it was where they first received a testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel. Although fun, it was also a powerful spiritual experience for them.

The building of a temple in the Ukraine is something of a miracle. The church was organized for missionary work only six years ago. In that time, membership has grown to five thousand people. The first meetinghouse was only dedicated there in June. (There must be enough people in one area to have a meetinghouse built.) The temple will serve a large portion of Eastern Europe, allowing people to attend without having to go so far from home.

A Mormon temple is different from a meetinghouse. A meetinghouse, or chapel, is used for regular Sunday worship services and weekday activities. Anyone can enter these buildings, even if they aren’t Mormons.

The temple is different. Only members of the Church may go there and they must first be interviewed by a church leader to be sure they are living the moral standards of the church and have a testimony. Teenagers can go to the temple once they are twelve, but they can only enter certain parts of it. While they are there, they are baptized on behalf of people who died without having an opportunity to accept the gospel. This does not make those people Mormons and they are not listed on the church records as Mormons.

Mormons believe a loving God would never punish someone for not being a Christian or accepting the gospel when he had never even heard of it. That wouldn’t be fair and God is always fair. They believe if a person dies without that opportunity, God will allow them to be taught the gospel when they die and then they have the choice to accept it or reject it, just as they would have if they’d learned about it on earth. Even if a person knows it is true because he is dead, he might still prefer not to live according to the Savior’s teachings. However, the Bible says a person must be baptized. In the Bible, Paul mentions baptism for the dead in a way that shows the people listening knew about it:

Else what shall they do which are baptized for the dead, if the dead rise not at all? Why are they then baptized for the dead? (1 Corinthians 15:29.)

They can’t be baptized after they die, so even then, it would not be fair. They would have learned the gospel, accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior, and then not be allowed to have a part in it. Because God loves all His children, even those who have never heard of Him, he prepared a way for this to be taken care of. People twelve and older can go to the temple and be baptized by immersion (being placed completely under water for a moment, as Jesus was) in someone else’s name. They must have already been baptized for themselves, of course, in a regular font in a chapel. It is then recorded that this was done for the person, but they are not made members of the church.

The names come from Mormons who research their own genealogy and turn in the names of their ancestors. Teenagers can help to give their ancestors a very special gift of love by doing this research and then being baptized for their families.

Watch the video below and see how Mormon teenagers in Eastern Europe are celebrating their new temple.

My new life as a Mormon had me very busy. I’d always been a shy kid, more comfortable in a corner with a book than out in the middle of the action, but being a Mormon got me out of my corner. Not that I didn’t still read a lot or enjoy my time alone, but I found myself with a lot of new friends and a lot of new things to do.

As you’ve been reading this series of articles on how to find out what church to join, you might have wondered what your life would be like. There would probably be a lot of changes, both to your schedule and to your lifestyle, but how much depends on how you were living before you became a Mormon. My schedule changed, but my beliefs were already a lot like those of the Mormons, so a lot of that sort of thing didn’t change.

Let’s start with the schedule. Mormon teens are really, really busy. You’ve read about some of the things they do already, but let’s review them. First, you would be going to church on Sunday. Mormons take church attendance really seriously, believing it is a commandment to keep the Sabbath Day holy and to attend church. It’s important to study the gospel, take the sacrament (communion) and to be around others who share your beliefs. Church is three hours on Sunday. It includes a basic worship service and then two classes. For teens, these classes are Sunday School and Mutual. Sunday School classes have both boys and girls in them and if there are enough teens, they divide by age. Here, they study one book of scripture a year—Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon and Doctrine and Covenants/Church History. After four years, they start over.

The second class is called Mutual. The class for girls is known as Young Women’s and the class for boys is called Young Men’s. These are also divided by age if there are enough teens. In this class, teens learn how to apply the gospel to their everyday lives. After all, you’re not just a Mormon on Sundays. You’re expected to live the way God asks you to every day, but it can be tricky sometimes to figure out how to make it all work out in everyday life.

The rest of the Sabbath Day would be spent doing spiritual things. You might read your scriptures, work on the church’s youth awards (more on that later), visit your grandparents, write in your journal, or scrapbook your favorite pictures so you can remember your teen years. Whatever you choose to do will help bring you closer to God. You won’t shop, go to parties, or do other lightweight things. You’ll have all week to do those.

Now for the rest of the week. Mormon teens live pretty normal lives. They wear fashionable clothes, go to school, hang out with friends, enjoy parties…it’s just that they do it with standards. The standards might seem challenging at first but after a while they seem natural and you start to realize your life is much better without the things you can no longer do. It’s the kind of life that lets you feel peaceful and focused on things that really matter. It’s a life that is focused on the future while still being fun today.

Mormon teens go to whatever school they choose. The Mormons don’t have their own schools (except for a few in other countries) until college. This means Mormon kids go to public school or private school or they homeschool. It’s up to their families.

Mormons are big fans of getting a good education, so Mormon kids are taught to work hard at their schooling, however they get it. This will help them get good jobs and a good job gives them more choices in life. They learn that life, even in the teen years, is about setting priorities. When we focus on setting up for a great life later, we might spend a little more time working than other teens, but when they’re struggling with the results of their bad choices, we’ll be enjoying the rewards of our good ones.

So, being focused on good choices, Mormon teens try to avoid unhealthy choices if they’re living their religion. They don’t drink or smoke—not even when they’re adults—and they don’t take illegal drugs. They don’t watch immoral movies or television programs and they don’t listen to music with immoral lyrics. Once they start looking around, they realize that still leaves them with a lot of great choices for entertainment. It can become something of a game to see how many great moral things there are to do in the world and sometimes, when they can’t find what they want, they make their own moral fun. Many teens are surprised to find out that what they thought was corny is really a lot of fun, especially when they’re doing it with friends who know how to have good clean fun.

During the week, Mormon teens attend a weeknight activity just for teenagers. They have fun activities that also help them live the gospel—service projects, fun game nights, activities that teach something through a fun activity…They get a chance to spend time with kids who have their values and practice having fun in a safe way. The boys belong to the Boy Scouts of America and the girls have their own program. While the boys are earning their Scout badges, the girls are also completing goals and earning awards.

They also attend an early morning class (or during school hours in Utah) called seminary. It’s a class held on school days that teach the scriptures in a more in-depth way than a Sunday School class can. Teens find it a good way to start their day because it reminds them of how to live during the school day and it’s also a good way to meet the other Mormon kids in their school.

The important parts of being a Mormon teen though don’t involve the meetings and activities, the weekend dances and parties, or the other fun things Mormons do. It is about knowing for sure that God loves you and is watching over you. It’s being reassured that you are living the life He planned for you and that even though life can be pretty hard, it will all be worth it in the end. A Mormon teen with a testimony doesn’t wrestle with what is right or wrong. She knows, and if she isn’t sure, she knows how to pray and to ask God to guide her. This brings a peacefulness that can make the challenging teen years really special. It brings them the safety of knowing they won’t make terrible mistakes that will affect their entire lives.

Really, the best way to find out what it would be like if you were a Mormon teen is to make friends with a Mormon teen who has a testimony and really tries to live her religion. Watch how she lives and how it impacts her life. Ask her to tell you. Then think about whether you’d like to have what she has.

Mormon teens celebrate the birth of

Yes, Mormons celebrate Christmas. Mormon beliefs include accepting Jesus Christ as their Savior and so they celebrate His birth. They do a lot of spiritual things to celebrate, but most Mormon families also do the fun stuff associated with the more secular celebration. They’re just asked not to let that part become more important than the spiritual parts.

This means if you’re having a Christmas party, you can invite your Mormon friend. Mormons do go to parties—in fact, most of them are pretty big fans of parties, but they do have a few rules about the kinds of parties they will go to, especially if they’re teenagers. Here are the rules so you’ll know how to prepare:

Refreshments:

Mormon teens don’t drink alcohol, use drugs, or smoke. They don’t go to teen parties where people are doing those things, either, especially since it’s illegal, but also because they aren’t comfortable in that environment. If that’s the kind of party you have, don’t invite your Mormon friend because you’ll put her in an awkward position—but you might ask her to show you how to plan a different type of party one day so you can decide if her kind is more fun. You might be surprised.

Mormon teens don’t drink coffee or regular tea. (Herbal teas are okay, as long as there is no real tea in it.) They do drink sodas. Some Mormons choose not to drink sodas with caffeine, so ask your friend if you’re not sure. They can also drink other things, like juice or milk.

Music and Dancing:

Mormon teens are careful about the kinds of music they listen to. They can listen to most of the popular music but they try to avoid music with lyrics that send a bad message or music that stirs up the wrong kinds of feelings.

Your Mormon friend probably has a booklet called For the Strength of Youth. This book explains the moral standards Mormon teenagers try to live up to. You can ask your friend for a copy or read it online.

Read For the Strength of Youth.

This booklet will help you figure out what your friend is comfortable with at a party. The booklet talks about music and says:

“Choose carefully the music you listen to. Pay attention to how you feel when you are listening. Don’t listen to music that drives away the Spirit, encourages immorality, glorifies violence, uses foul or offensive language, or promotes Satanism or other evil practices.”

Give some thought to the music you’ll be playing at your party. There are a lot of great songs that meet those standards. Your Mormon friend doesn’t expect you to only play Christian music, but do listen to the words of the songs you are planning to play to see what they’re really saying. Then choose the ones that won’t offend anyone. There are so many choices you won’t have trouble finding moral music that is fun for everyone else. Your friend will probably have some you can borrow, as well.

Mormons are allowed to dance. In fact, most congregations hold regular free dances for their teens and their teenagers’ friends. Before going to them, you have to meet with a church leader for a few minutes and learn the rules. You’ll have to agree to obey them and you’ll get a little card that says you’ve promised to do that. The card lets you into the dances. If you attend a few, you’ll get a pretty good idea of what kind of party Mormons like. Just like everything else, though, there are standards for the dancing your Mormon friend will do. Here’s what For the Strength of Youth says:

“Dancing can be fun and can provide an opportunity to meet new people. However, it too can be misused. When dancing, avoid full body contact with your partner. Do not use positions or moves that are suggestive of sexual behavior. Plan and attend dances where dress, grooming, lighting, lyrics, and music contribute to a wholesome atmosphere where the Spirit of the Lord may be present.”

The secret, then, is to imagine God or Jesus at your dance as a chaperone. If you think your friend would still be willing to be there with God in the room, it’s probably okay. After all, Mormons believe the Holy Ghost is always with them as long as they are where the Holy Spirit is comfortable being. If the Holy Ghost flees, they do, too.

And speaking of chaperones…your Mormon teen will expect a chaperone to be present. It’s likely her parents will call your parents to make sure your parents will be monitoring the party.

It really makes a party easier when responsible adults are watching. How many times have you found yourself in an awkward situation at a party and wished there was an adult to stop it so you wouldn’t have to? When a parent is around, kids are not likely to drink, be destructive, or try to put you in an uncomfortable moral situation. You will be free to have fun without worrying that someone will get carried away and ruin everything.

Mormon teens have high moral standards, so they aren’t going to want to go to a party where most people are kissing. They prefer to keep things light—dance, eat, talk, play games…it’s safer and really, it’s more fun. You get to know a lot more people when you don’t pair off in a dark corner all night. The best way to keep that from happening is to have a plan for the evening. Keep things moving along and when people start wandering off on their own, get them back into the mix by announcing a new game or activity.

If you’ve never had the kind of party we’re talking about here, gather up a few Mormon friends, or other kids with high standards, and ask them to teach you how to do it. The planning is more fun in a group and the party will be more fun, too. Your friends can help you co-host it and watch for problems.

Now for the other parts of Christmas:

It’s perfectly okay to give your Mormon friend a Christmas gift, but don’t spend a lot of money on it. A lot of Mormon teens like simple gifts or even gift certificates—not to a store, but for time with you or a service from you. Be creative. Offer to do a little sewing if she can’t sew and you can. Give a book of coupons for help with algebra or a special outing in which you let her choose the activity,

You could even give her a gift certificate that says you will go to church with her three times. She’d rather have that than anything else, and it won’t cost you a dime. (Mormons don’t pass a collection plate, even.) You wouldn’t have to join or commit to anything but a chance to learn more about her beliefs and an important part of her life you might not know too much about.

So, Christmas is coming and your Mormon friend is celebrating with a  mixture of hymns, uplifting stories, scripture reading…and parties and gifts. Enjoy the season with her.

Personal progress is a fun program for girls in the Mormon youth program, called Young Women. The girls in the program are given a list of goals to accomplish—some are required and some are chosen from a number of choices. The goals help them learn more about their religion, God, and Jesus Christ and help them live their lives better. They spend time preparing to be adults, as well. You don’t have to be Mormon to do the program, although for now, you do have to be Mormon to keep track of your progress on the Internet. They’re working to fix that in the near future. However, if you aren’t Mormon, you can get to all the materials free on the Internet and then print out a record sheet to use. To get an award, you’ll need to attend Mormon Young Women’s programs so you’re assigned a leader to help you. Your parents will also be able to help you with the program. Any Mormon you know will be happy to take you to a Young Women’s meeting and introduce you to people.

The Website for the program explains what girls gain from participating:

“As you participate in Personal Progress, you join with thousands of other young women who are striving to come unto Christ and “stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places” (Mosiah 18:9). Counsel with your parents, and prayerfully choose goals that will help you cultivate feminine attributes, strengthen your testimony, and reach your divine potential.” (Personal Progress)

There is an award, although the award is not the real purpose of the program. The real reward, of course, is what you learn and how you improve your life as you participate. However, the award is treasured by girls as a reminder of all they’ve accomplished. To earn the award, you have to do all of these things between the ages of twelve and eighteen:

1. Attend sacrament meeting regularly (where possible). Sacrament Meeting is the regular worship service for Mormons, held each Sunday if the Church is available in that area. (The Church is located in most countries of the world.)

2. Live the standards in For the Strength of Youth. This is a booklet for teenagers outlining  the moral standards God expects of young people—and in fact, all people. The bishop (similar to a pastor) over your assigned congregation will interview you to be sure you have done this.

3. Complete the value experiences and value project for each of the eight values. I’ll talk about this in a few minutes. These are the goals you set for yourself as you work in the program.

4. Keep a personal journal.

5. Attend seminary or participate in independent study (where available). Seminary is a class held each morning before school (in most areas) where teenagers fourteen and older study the scriptures. It’s a great way to start the day off right, even though it can be hard to get up so early.

6. Read the Book of Mormon regularly. The Book of Mormon is a book of scripture used along with the Bible. Mormon teens study the Bible, but are also expected to learn the Book of Mormon well.

7. Record your testimony of the Savior Jesus Christ.

What are those values mentioned in step 3? These are the heart of the program. There are eight values teenage girls are expected to live by during their lifetimes. They are: faith, divine nature, individual worth, knowledge, choice and accountability, good works, integrity, and virtue. The girls study what it means to live the values. Then they accomplish things that help them learn more or put them into practice. Finally, they choose a project to work on that gives them more in-depth experience.

Let’s look at the value of integrity to see how it works. You can read the requirements for this value here: Integrity. The page begins by offering a Bible scripture to study: Job 27:5. “God forbid that I should justify you: till I die I will not remove mine integrity from me.” The page then explains the basic promise you make when you tell God you are going to be a person with integrity: “I will have the moral courage to make my actions consistent with my knowledge of right and wrong.”

Now you start to learn more about it and to begin doing things that will make you a person with integrity. The first three steps are required. You can read about them in more detail on the page, but here is a summary:

1. First, you’ll read the booklet on standards mentioned earlier and use your journal to make a list of the standards you are supposed to keep. You’ll think about what it means to do this and why you want to do it. Then, for one month, you’ll live according to those standards and record in your journal how it affects your life.
2. Next, you’re going to evaluate your current level of integrity, using the standards mentioned in the more detailed explanation of the requirement. You’ll pray each day for help in having more integrity and set at least one goal to improve one aspect of your integrity. Then, of course, you’ll start to live your goal.
3. Now you’re going to learn about integrity by studying the lives of other people in the scriptures. A list is provided for you to begin with and includes Esther, Job, and Daniel, as well as Jesus, of course. In your journal you’ll record how they lived their lives with integrity. Then you’ll try to think of a time you had to have courage to live with integrity and you’ll share the story with others.

By the time you’ve finished these three goals, you’ll have a pretty good idea of what  integrity means and you’ll have started improving your own integrity. Now it’s time to personalize it. You’re offered four goals and you have to choose three. If there is something you really feel you need to work on that isn’t listed, you can create your own and have it approved by your parent or leader. The first choice involves looking up a dictionary definition of the word and then interviewing your mother, grandmother or another woman about what the word means to them and how they apply it. Then you’ll again work out new goals for strengthening your integrity.

Another choice is to study how not having integrity can hurt families and working on ways to make your family stronger. A third choice is to learn how to be a good example to others and make some changes that will make you a better example. Finally, you can learn how to fast—going without food or water for twenty-four hours once a month.

To finish up your study of integrity, you’re asked to think of a project that would take ten hours to complete and that would help you learn about or improve your integrity. An adult will approve the project, but you’ll be responsible for carrying it out.

You can see this program is a lot of work, but when you’re finished, you’ll be ready for the adult life you’re about to enter. You’ll be living the life God wants you to live.

Rx for Friendship: Be One

Friendship is usually pretty important to most teenagers. Not having friends can make a teenager frustrated and lonely. Having the wrong kinds of friends can cause all sorts of trouble for teens. When you have a best friend, and it’s a real best friend who loves you and has your best interest at heart, it can make the teen years so much more wonderful.

In my last post, I talked about a famous Biblical friendship between David (the one who slew Goliath) and Jonathon, the king’s son. Their friendship might have seemed pretty unlikely since God had decided to give David the throne Jonathon would have someday had otherwise. Jonathon had so much character, though, that he was able to put all that aside and become David’s best friend. They were so close that Jonathon even defied his wicked father to save David’s life when King Saul wanted to kill him out of pure jealousy. When David was finally forced to flee the kingdom, they promised to be friends forever, even if they lived far apart.

Do you have a best friend like that? Do you want one? While there aren’t any guarantees that you’ll find that kind of best friend, you can increase your chances of finding a friend by following these rules:

1. First, become the best person you can be. That doesn’t mean getting an expensive wardrobe or acting like someone you aren’t. It doesn’t mean lowering your standards. Instead, be who God wants you to be. Focus on developing the inside you, the parts that count. Be honest, kind, thoughtful, and helpful. People are attracted to kind people. If you want a really great best friend, you need to be a really great person.
2. Decide what kind of best friend you want. Remember that popularity is really unimportant when you’re looking for a forever friendship. You want someone who shares and respects your values. Your friends don’t all have to be the same religion as you, and you might have small ways you are different, but you should share important values like honesty and kindness. When your values are higher than those of your friends, they should respect them and not try to make you lower them, just as you shouldn’t try to lower theirs.
3. Don’t do all the talking. Of course you’re going to talk about yourself sometimes, but you should make sure you’re also letting others talk about themselves. Generally, when people get to talk about themselves, they feel they’ve had a great conversation. Ask questions that show you are interested in the other person—not personal, embarrassing questions, but questions that tell you more about them and that allow them to talk about their favorite subjects, as long as their favorite subjects are appropriate.
4. It isn’t all about you. When deciding how to spend time, make sure you let your friends choose their favorite activities sometimes, even if you’re not that interested in it. Good friends will go to the museum one day because one of the group loves it and to a baseball game the next because a different friend loves sports.
5. Be respectful of your friends’ time. Don’t call too often or talk too long—unless of course, you both love to talk!
6. Be respectful of your friends’ families. If the parents like you, they will make it easier for the friendship to grow and to continue. Don’t wake the family with late night calls on the land line or stay too late. Be a good influence on your friends and be polite to the parents. Clean up after yourself. Be especially kind to younger siblings, who often get jealous when their older siblings have friends over.
7. Surprise your friends. You don’t have to buy your friends expensive gifts, but sometimes it’s nice to surprise them with something that tells them you’re thinking of them. Something simple—a homemade card, a cookie, a note on their social networking site, an emailed picture or comic that made you think of them—just lets them know they matter. Everyone wants to matter.
8. Be whatever kind of friend you want to have. If you treat others the way you want to be treated, you’ll be considered a great friend.
9. If you don’t currently have a friend, be patient. Be nice to people, be cheerful, and pitch in to help. Go to church, join a club, volunteer somewhere. Not only will doing those things keep you too busy to feel sorry for yourself, but they are great ways to meet people with similar values and interests.

10. Look for other friendless people. When we look around for friends, we often focus on the people who already have lots of friends. Look for someone who needs a friend and start there. I knew a girl once who was beautiful, kind, smart and popular. She could have joined any crowd, but she chose to gather up the kids who didn’t have many friends and befriend them. They weren’t the popular kids, but she didn’t care. She was nice to everyone and pretty soon no one was judging her choices in friends. If they wanted to be her friend, they had to accept her other friends. She didn’t dump the unpopular kids when the popular kids went after her. She was a real friend and so other people who were good at friendship wanted her to be their friend also.

Mormon teenagers receive a booklet called “For the Strength of Youth.” This booklets teaches Mormon teens the standards God holds them to. The section on friendship sums up what every teen needs to know about choosing and being a friend: “Choose your friends carefully. They will greatly influence how you think and act, and even help determine the person you will become. Choose friends who share your values so you can strengthen and encourage each other in living high standards. A true friend will encourage you to be your best self.

To have good friends, be a good friend yourself. Show interest in others and let them know you care about them. Treat everyone with kindness and respect. Go out of your way to be a friend to those who are shy or do not feel included.”

Additional Resources:

Friends of the opposite sex are obviously of great interest to teens as well. Find out what it takes to make friends of the opposite sex.

Visit the official site for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (inadvertently called by friends of other faiths as the “Mormon Church”) to learn more about Mormon youth.

That last choice might seem like the last thing you’d ever want to do, but that’s exactly what Jonathon did in the Old Testament. The story of David and Jonathon is one of the greatest friendship stories in the Bible. Both of them were teens who made a difference.

In the last post we learned that David, a shepherd, was the only person brave enough to battle the giant Philistine Goliath. He did this with nothing but a slingshot and a lot of faith. The Philistines were so shocked and scared to realize a teenager could kill their hero that they ran away. Saul, the king, had promised that anyone who had the courage to fight Goliath would be given great riches. He would even get to marry the king’s daughter.

David became an instant hero to the people of Israel. Everyone told and retold the tale of the teenaged giant killer. Saul took David to live in his home. He and Saul’s son Jonathon became best friends. The Bible tells us “that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” Do you have a friend like that? What would you be willing to sacrifice for that friend?

At first, everything was wonderful. Jonathon gave David his robe and armor and sword. Saul was thrilled to have this new hero in his home and put David—still only a teenager—in charge of the entire army. Everyone loved David…and that was part of the problem. When Saul came out among the people, the women would gather to play music and sing, as usual, but now they were singing that Saul had killed thousands, but David had killed ten thousands. Saul was furious. He figured the only thing left at this point was for David to take his kingdom away.

Well, God had decided David was going to be next in line for the throne, but Saul didn’t know that. He was just jealous that people loved David more than they loved him, and that they thought David was greater. He decided to kill David, but twice, David managed to avoid him.

Saul was starting to get scared. In the past, Saul had had God’s support, but his wicked choices had caused God to favor someone else now. Saul could see God was on David’s side of things. And to make things worse, David always behaved with wisdom, which also frightened Saul. So he came up with a new plan. He didn’t dare kill David himself if God was on David’s side. But there were all those Philistines, the enemy of God’s people. If David went to war against them, one of them was sure to kill David.

Saul went to David and offered to let him marry his oldest daughter, Merab. That had been part of the promise for killing Goliath, after all. But in exchange, he wanted David to promise to only fight for God’s army and to only be valiant for the king. David modestly asked who he was that he should be the king’s son-in-law? Saul, though, wasn’t a very nice person these days, so after getting the promise, he gave his daughter to another man.

However, it happened that her younger sister, Michal, was head over heels in love with David. Saul decided to make good use of that, so he told David he could marry Michal if he killed one hundred Philistines. He was pretty sure David’s luck couldn’t hold out that long and he wouldn’t have to follow through. However, David had God on his side and God had a plan for David’s descendents, which meant David had to stay alive to get married. David also liked the idea of being the king’s son-in-law, so he agreed. He killed the Philistines and brought back proof. The king had no choice this time but to let David marry his daughter, and Michal got her dream husband. If this were a fairy tale, everyone would live happily ever after, but since it’s a true story, there were more problems to come.

Now we get back to the friendship between David and Jonathon. Now that David was married to Jonathon’s sister, they were not just best friends, but family.

Saul was family too, but he wasn’t all that happy about it. He still wanted David dead, but clearly the Philistines weren’t going to be able to do it for him. He gathered up his servants and his son Jonathon and ordered them to kill David for him. Well, that wasn’t a very bright idea, because, you remember, Jonathon was best friends with David and loved him. There was no way he was going to kill his best friend.

Instead, he warned David to go and hide. Then he went to his father and stayed with him during the hunt. He went to work trying to talk the king out of killing David. He reminded his father that since David had only done good to the king, it would be a terrible sin for Saul to kill David. You couldn’t kill someone for no reason, especially not someone who had God on his side.

Saul agreed and David was able to return home, but the trials weren’t over yet. Saul again tried to kill David and was saved by his wife, Michal. Saul retaliated by forcing her to divorce David and marry another man. Then Jonathon again defied his father and helped David escape by lying to his father about where David was. This time, David was unable to return. He left the city, forced to live among the Philistines. He had lost his wife and his best friend and his family, because he had been forced to send them away for their own safety.

Even though they were separated, David and Jonathon’s friendship has lived on through history to serve as an example to us of the value of good friendships. Friends can support and comfort each other in the hardest times and help each other to live God’s commandments, even when it is terribly hard.

When they parted, Jonathon’s last words were a promise to David: “Go in peace, forasmuch as we have sworn both of us in the name of the Lord, saying, The Lord be between me and thee, and between my seed and thy seed for ever.” They vowed to be best friends…forever.